Elon Musk’s Neuralink: A step closer to the Matrix

Right throughout the evolutionary history of mankind, only a handful of events make us drown in a puddle of what a wow. Like the one when they discovered fire or the invention of Snapchat sanskaar filters. One such event took place couple of weeks back, when Chief Strategist of Avengers Elon Musk announced his latest venture, Neuralink, which might develop interface between computers and human brain.

 This interesting development, which might have a significant impact on the future inhabitants of this planet, was covered with great enthusiasm by the media, after they were done reporting on the mystery of why Sendha Namak should be consumed during Navaratri fast. Also, in case you are wondering who Elon Musk is, now is a good time to also start looking for a candle to light up your cave.

 Musk, as if not content with being the mushy wet dream of every lonely geek, has decided to springboard us into a future where we could possibly co-exist with superior, artificially intelligent humanoids. When I say “we”, I mean poor people. Going by the present trends, it is almost certain that even in the future, poor people wouldn’t be able to afford this technology to enhance their life. I guess the only two options left with them is either to die or believe that someday, the prophecy of Ache Din will be fulfilled.

 On the other hand, rich kids with Jio Prime life subscription and muh mein rajnigandha will use this technology to upgrade their brains. So, unlike now, we would then have to compete with artificially and digitally enhanced beta assholes on basic survival issues like jobs and profile likes on Shaadi.com. On this note, I would like to appeal to anyone who is wondering right now, “So, it means that the gap between rich and poor will always exist”, Yes, you poor Son of Abish. It will. ALWAYS.

 As dark as that sounds for the class divide, it is fascinating to see Musk working tirelessly to push the envelope of innovation, while some of us are still struggling to successfully push shawarma in their mouth without spilling some on the shirt. He comes up with life-altering ideas and converts them into sustainable, profitable businesses with the same efficiency as that of the India’s Prodigal Son to lose elections.

 It is unclear yet, as to what Neuralink would be doing. The official statement is that it will make invasive devices for treating or diagnosing neurological ailments like Alzheimer’s and Old Monk fuelled hangovers. However, going by the past endeavors of Musk, I am sure he doesn’t want to just help some old dude remember his Aadhar card number again. After all, he is the guy who came up with the idea to colonize Mars after being stuck in the traffic in Sakinaka for 3 hours.

 Sources have indicated that the company will develop ways to seamlessly integrate human brain and technology without the need of an actual, physical device like Samsung Note. Essentially, Musk is trying to invent ways to install complex implants in the brain to enhance its cognitive abilities, to which Stephen Hawkins said, “Welcome to mah world, Nigga!”

 Several news reports have also said that with the help of the new technology, we could upload our thoughts on the cloud, and download them whenever required. This makes me wonder about the ramifications, if this technology existed today. Imagine a cyber leak of this ‘thought’ data, and people come to know what some of us think.

 Advani waking up every morning: Kabhi toh koi aao haveli pe.. Its lonely here.

 Modiji drunk after 108 shots of Chaas: Send Nudes, Mitron.

 Trump taking oath as POTUS: Ye bik gayi hai gormint!

 Soldier at the border: Iss area mein Zomato wala ladka aata hai kya?

 Mumbaikar everyday: Aaj hagge mein paani aayega ya nahi

 One thing is for sure, though. If Musk is successful in building such devices, the lines between science fiction and reality will be irreversibly blurred. The last time that happened was when fatwa was issued to attain world peace. However, it will take years for any such thing to develop and be perfected. So currently, I don’t have to worry about any robots beating me to get 2000 ka chutta. For now, I can peacefully concentrate on bettering my skills at tackling shawarma-on-the-shirt-disaster.


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