20 Shitty conversations Indian parents have with their kids

1. Dad, at the time of your birth: “Ladka engineer/doctor/MBA banega“

 NOOO… PLEASE NOOO!!!

2. You, being 5 years old: Ma, how was I born?

Mom: Pollination son, Pollination.

Thanks Ma, Now i will go and pollinate with my female plant phylums

3. Dad: Padhoge, likhoge banoge nawab; kheloge kudoge hoge kharab

 Hain!! I wish Tendulkar’s dad gave him the same advice.

4. Mom: Beta, uncle ko ‘woh’ wala dance karke dikhao

Look, You MOFO uncle. My latest move. Now get the fuck outta mah place

5. Dad, before your Board Exams: Yeh ache se pass kar lo, phir kabhi mehnat nahi karni padegi

Dankeschön, My Vater… That is such a relief to hear

6. Dad, before your University Exams: Yeh ache se pass kar lo, phir kabhi mehnat nahi karni padegi

WTF! You said same last time.

7. Dad, before your College Placement Exams: Yeh ache se pass kar lo, phir kabhi mehnat nahi ….

FUCK IT! I DID NOT sign up for this

8. Mom, at a family function: My son will top IIT this year

Yup, because I just signed up for “Nerd for Life” programme. I will code the fuck out of my life.

9. Mom, using computer: I have sent you a friend request on Facebook.

SLOW CLAPS Ma, SLOW CLAPS.. You are totes amazeballs

10. Dad, using computer: Hey, how to delete the browser history in IE?

Dad, stop embarrassing me, will you!!

11. Me: Mom, Can I go out for a late night party? Mom: Ask Dad. Dad: Ask Mom.

12. Mom, as you are leaving for college: Beta, don’t do alcohol and smoking, OK? Khaa mere sar ki kasam

 Never, Ever… Ever.. Ever…. Ever Ma, EVER.

13. Mom, as you are leaving for On-site: Beta, don’t do Drugs, OK? Khaa mere sar ki kasam

WHATEVES’, Ma

14. Mom, when you are On-site: Beta, don’t bring a firangi bahu OK? Khaa mere sar ki kasam.

 You are funny, Mother!!!

15. Mom, on a skype video call: Can you see me? <adjusts the camera> Now? <rotates the camera> Now? <covers the camera> NOW, NOW?

SHUT UP.. SHUT UP.. SHUUUTT UPPPPPP

16. Mom: I have taken paid membership of shaadi.com for you

APOLOGISE. TAKE IT BACK AND NO ONE GETS HURT

17. Mom: You have a girlfriend? Hamare caste ki hai?

FUCK YEAH!! And she is totes Sanskaari

18. Mom, after your 1st year of marriage: When will I see the face of my grandson?

Ahem… Lemme see. How about, NEVER? I hate those tiny douchebags

19. Dad: Paise ped pe nahi ugte, uske liye mehnat karni padti hai

Can some one give me an Aspirin right now? #preachyDAD

20. Them: Life mein compromise to karna padta hai